Lessons from the week (10 Sep 2023)

17 lessons on influence and life from Molly Bloom

17 lessons on influence and life from a woman who went from an office assistant to a millionaire that curated the most exclusive poker game for the rich and famous in the United States

My 45-minute morning walk on Wednesday became 90-minute long because of this podcast about Molly Bloom. The catchy title "How I Manipulated The World's Richest Men: They Lost $100 Million In One Night" got me interested but then the podcast had so many gems that I had to listen to it till the end. I followed it up by watching the movie based on her book with my wife on the weekend. What a story!

The woman has integrity. She was ready to go to jail for the wrongs she committed. But she was not willing to compromise on her principles. She thought that disclosing confidential information on famous celebrities was unethical so she refused to trade the dirty secrets she had even if it meant that she had to go to jail. It reminds me of a quote that Warren Buffett is famous for: "It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it." She lost her reputation but also built it back up.

Here are some nuggets of wisdom that I took away:

• Access is powerful. Molly got access to rich and successful individuals who were addicted to the game of poker. Similarly if you get access to mentors, investors, entrepreneurs, etc. you can learn, grow and create an advantage for yourself.

• Leave a positive emotional footprint wherever you go. Everyone leaves an emotional footprint on the world. Effective presence is the science of how you make people feel. There are things you can do to have positive or negative or neutral effective presence.

• People are going to forget what you said and what you did, but they are never going to forget how you made them feel. Molly: "Mom I have no idea how to bring value to this room. These people have everything!" Mom said: "maybe instead of thinking about all the things you can get, you can think about all the things you can give." At the highest level people need even more validation. I started to try to understand how to make people feel important, seen, heard, remembered, how to establish trust, how to establish authentic connection, a real connection where I didn't want anything from these people like everyone else. I made my staff memorize their favorite food orders, drink orders, the names of their kids, updated the playlist, ...

• Focus on the connection, not the outcome. Effective presence is about being present with someone and focused on the connection not the outcome. What's truly unique about this person? And then really getting fascinated by this thing that they do and focusing in on the details. Getting curious. Becoming a great listener. It's about disconnecting from the outcome, disconnecting from the transaction and connecting as a human being.

• Listening is a huge competitive advantage. It's so seldom that someone just sits down with people and just listens.

• The setting matters as well. The best liquors, cuban cigars, best locations...I wanted people to feel like they were in Monaco. I got into the science of scents and temperature and humidity. And everything that elicits these feel good chemicals.

• When you love what you do, you can work long hours. There was so much work and sweat equity. I would take notes at the end of each game. I had a staff of 20. I was making millions. I was paying my taxes. If we are willing to do the work, then success, money and abundance is a lot more available than you think.

• Peace should never be underrated. You should know what ENOUGH means. Peace, contentment, the ability to find joy in the small moments. And then have the big moments. I am all for adrenaline. I still chase it. But I chase it in healthier ways - skiing, climbing mountains.

• Persistence is a part of every success story. I'd seen how people got successful - persistence. Of course you had to have a good product, a good story. I got rejected so many times. 

• Believe in yourself if you want others to believe in you. You walk in there with the humility of lessons learnt, but you walk in there like you are worthwhile. When Molly approached Aaron Sorkin to make a movie on her story he said to her: "I've never met somebody who are so down on their luck and so full of themselves."

• You will not be happy unless you have purpose in life. To love and to work. I believe people need a reason to get up in the morning.

• A healthy relationship with risk is super important. A lot of times when people lose, they become unwilling to take risks. And if you aren't willing to take risks, you will lose the game. The people who took calculated risks over time and didn't let a past failure or external condition stand in their way won over time. People who took impulsive risks lost.

• Be calm. Being able to stay composed when there is chaos inside and outside is super important.

• Use your head and your heart. Being able to use your emotional mind and rational mind and being able to switch between the two is super important.

• Be aware of your ego and greed. Ego and greed is the reason why I've seen so many lives undone, including my own.

• You don't need someone to cheer for you. You should be your own cheer leader. Stop searching for the evidence that you are worthwhile. That you are good enough.

• Take responsibility for your own shit. We have our own challenges but at the end of the day taking responsibility for your own shit is the most important thing a human being can do.

Harsh Batra
LinkedIn

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